A Huge Step

 

Starting nursery is a giant step in the life of a small child. It is probably the very first time she has ever been left anywhere by her parents in the care of people she doesn’t already know. And even though she may already have come on a settling-in visit, or visits, the environment is still very unfamiliar, and so much bigger than anywhere she’s spent time in by herself before.

 

 

It’s an enormous transition, exciting and scary at the same time. We try and work with you to lead your child through the first days so that the scariness quickly goes away, and the excitement and enjoyment of everything Seedlings has to offer grows, so that we see each child getting more confident day by day, and feeling very much at home with us.

 

Starting nursery is also a huge step for you as the parent. Up to this point you have been your child’s ‘go-to’ person in any and all situations, but now you are going to have to share this wonderful connection that you have with your child with the nursery staff, and specially with your child’s key-worker.

 

Your child is now on the point of taking her first steps towards social independence – building personal relationships with people you, and she, don’t know already, a key skill for life. And the moment you say goodbye to her and leave is a major point of transition for both of you.

      

So, here are some things to think about to prepare for this big step:

• Start getting her used to the idea that she’s going to be coming to Seedlings a couple of weeks before the big day. Pre-school children have a hazy understanding of time, and talking about things too far in advance is not helpful, because, as far as the child is concerned, nothing happens.
• Prepare for your settling-in visit in the same way as you will do for the first day. Help her to organise her new bag with the things she will need when she starts, even though she won’t need them on the visit: nappies, spare clothes, suntan cream, lunch box, favourite toy…. Her bag is a connection between home and Seedlings, and being familiar with it, helping to organise it and being responsible for it will help her to feel secure. And doing this a few times before starting begins to establish a routine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Step back when you come on the settling-in visit so that you are consciously handing over the care of your child to the staff, and let them focus on getting to know her. Keep any questions you may have and ask them at the end of the visit. It’s important not to intrude into the building of this new relationship that needs to develop directly between you and your child’s key-worker. Give her time and space to get used to everything by herself.
• Don’t hesitate to ask about anything you’re uncertain or concerned about, because you need to feel relaxed and confident that when you leave her with us she will be happy and safe, and the less anxious you are about leaving her the more likely the first day is to go well.

And on the big day:

• Keep in mind that our staff are very practised at making new starters feel comfortable in the nursery, and want them to settle in as quickly and happily as possible. Children feel the separation from the parent on an emotional, not a rational thinking level, so no amount of explanation or reasoning beforehand will help what can sometimes be an upsetting situation as you leave them for the first time. But if this is approached in the right way, the upset will not last long and they do settle quickly.

    

 

• The most important thing is not to prolong the parting. Bring her to the door, where her key person will be waiting to greet her, say goodbye clearly and firmly and leave.

 

• It’s helpful when you say goodbye that you say something like, ‘OK. I’m off now to do the shopping. I’ll be back to pick you up at lunchtime. Bye darling.’ This enables the key person to reassure her throughout the morning by reminding her, ‘Mummy’s gone shopping. She’ll be back at lunchtime’ and then outlining what they’ll be doing until then: ‘but before then we’re going to read a book, have snack and then go outside to play.’
• What if she cries and gets all upset? Well, children often do cry in this situation because they don’t have the language skills to express all their doubts and anxieties, but usually they can be encouraged to engage with something that’s going on and calm down quickly. If this doesn’t happen after ten minutes or so, we will phone you, so you can come back and collect her. We all have to keep in mind that until you do come back, she may not trust that you will come back. So your return builds your child’s trust in her key person when she says, ‘Mummy will be back to pick you up’, and once that becomes established in the child’s mind as a routine thing, the problem is resolved.
• If you feel anxious on leaving we suggest you wait somewhere out of sight for those first ten minutes, but if there is no phone call, then she is settling in OK. And why not make picking her up quality time for you both, rather than a mad rush to be somewhere else? Arrange to come a little bit earlier at first if necessary, so that you and her key person have time to share details of how everything has gone.

Of course there may well be some wobbles the first few days, but the routine of coming to Seedlings will quickly become established, for us, for you, and most importantly, for your child.

We look forward to welcoming you both very soon!